بِسْمِ اللهِ الرَّحْمنِ الرَّحِيْم

اَلْحَمْدُ لِلّهِ رَبِّ الْعَالَمِيْن،وَالصَّلاۃ وَالسَّلامُ عَلَی النَّبِیِّ الْکَرِيم وَعَلیٰ آله وَاَصْحَابه اَجْمَعِيْن۔

Obedience of Parents

Honouring and well-behaving with parents has been especially emphasized in the holy Quran and Sunnah. Allah the Exalted at many occasions and places, along with ordering His worship and Oneness has commanded us to behave the parents well. Therefore, it clearly denotes the importance of respect, obedience and service towards parents. Specific importance and emphasize on parents’ obedience and its merits are also mentioned in Ahadeeth. May Allah make us obedient, well-behaving to our parents and help us to serve them fully and wholeheartedly!

The Qur’anic Verses:

vAnd your Lord has decreed that you not worship except Him, and to parents, good treatment. Whether one or both of them reach old age (while) with you, say not to them (so much as), "uff," and do not repel them but speak to them a noble word. And lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and say, "My Lord, have mercy upon them as they brought me up (when I was) small." (Bani Israil 23, 24). Where Allah the Almighty commanded His servants to worship Him, at the same time He ordered them to behave towards parents well. At another place, along with thanking Him, He commanded to thank their parents too. Think highly, what a big issue is it, that the position and rank of father and mother is deemed essential after the worship and oneness of Allah the Almighty. Because, where the original source for the human’s existence is Allah, so in the same way, the visible sources for the coming of a human being into existence are parents. Thus, it’s known that after polytheism (joining others with Allah), the greatest sin is to disobey the parents. As, Allah’s apostle (PBUH) said: associating partners with Allah and disobedience of parents are great sins. (Bukhari)

v  Whither to disobedience of the parents, even it is prohibited to express the displeasure or dislike or anger or rebuking, we are ordered by Allah the Almighty to speak with them in a noble way. وَ لاَ تَنْهَرْ هُمَا و قٌلْ لَّهمَا قَوْلاً كَرِيْماَ" “ Simultaneously, we are commanded to lower to them the wing of humility out of mercy and modesty. “وَ اخْفِضْ لَهُمَا جَنَاحَ الذُّلِّ مِنَ الَّرَحْمَةِ” and to pray for the parents for the whole life, doubles its importance, وَ قُلْ رَّبّ ارْحّمْهُمَا كَمَا رَبَّيَانِي صَغِيْراً

vWorship Allah and associate nothing with Him, and to parents do good. (Surah Al-Nisaa 36).

vAnd We have enjoined upon man goodness to parents. (Surah al-Ankabut 8)

Holy Ahadeeth:

vAbdullah Ibne Mas'ud (RA) reported:

I asked the Messenger of Allah (PBUH): "Which action is dearest to Allah?" He (PBUH) replied, "Performing Salat (the prayer) at its earliest fixed time." I asked, "What is next (in goodness)?" He (PBUH) said, "Kindness towards parents." I asked, "What is next (in goodness)?" He (PBUH) said, "To participate in Jihad in the cause of Allah." (Bukhari and Muslim)

vAbdullah bin 'Amr bin Al-'as (RA) reported:

A man came to the Prophet (PBUH) of Allah and said, "I swear allegiance to you for emigration and Jihad, seeking reward from Allah." He (PBUH) said, "Is any of your parents alive?" He said, "Yes, both of them are alive." He (PBUH) then asked, "Do you want to seek reward from Allah?" He replied in the affirmative. Thereupon, the messenger of Allah (PBUH) said, "Go back to your parents and keep good company with them". (Muslim)

vA person came to Allah's Messenger (PBUH) and said:

Who among the people is most deserving of a fine treatment from my hand? He said: Your mother. He again said: Then who (is the next one)? He said: Again it is your mother (who deserves the best treatment from you). He said: Then who (is the next one)? He (the Holy Prophet) said: Again, it is your mother. He (again) said: Then who? Thereupon he said: Then it is your father. (Bukhari)

vAllah’s apostle said:

'(Honouring) one's father may lead one to enter through the best of the gates of the Paradise, so take care of your parents, (it is so, whether you take care of them) or not. "The father is the best of the gates of Jannah, so if you wish, keep to the gate, or lose it." (Tirmidhi)

vThe messenger of Allah (PBUH) said that "The pleasure of the Lord lies in the pleasure of the father. The anger of the Lord lies in the anger of the father." (Tirmidhi)

vThe holy Prophet (OBUH) said: Whoever desires that his age is to be prolonged and his livelihood to be increased, then he has to behave his parents well and do good to your Kinship (to be helpful and good to your kin, visit them and meet their needs, whether they are good to you or not). (Musnad Ahmad).

vThe messenger of Allah (PBUH) said: Whoever treated and behaved his parents well, then, there is good news for him that Allah, the Exalted, will prolong his age. (Mustadrak Hakim).

vAllah's Apostle (PBUH) said: Let him be humiliated into dust, let him be humiliated into dust. It was said: Allah's Messenger, who is he? He said: He who sees either of his parents during their old age or he sees both of them, but he does not enter the Paradise. (Muslim)

In the light of the holy Qur’an and Sunnah, the whole Ummah is agreed upon the fact that disobedience of parents is a great sin. Displeasure of the parents causes the displeasure and resentment of Allah. So we should not be disobedient or negligent towards our parents. Particularly, when one of the parents or both of them, reaches the old age, we should not repel/rebuke them, we won’t say them (as much as) the word ‘Uff”. We should serve and nurse them respectfully and with love and sincerity. Owing to their old age, you may dislike their some talks or actions, we have to keep our patience and bear them. Allah, the Almighty, will verily grant us the great reward for our patience, Insha Allah.

In the light of the holy Qur’an and Sunnah, the scholars have compiled some following rights of the parents. May Allah make us obedient of our parents and help us to fulfill their rights!

Rights when they are alive: To give them full respect and honour, to love them, to obey them, to serve/nurse them, to provide them with all possible means of comfort, to fulfil their requirements and visit them periodically, if they are far away. 

Rights after their death: To seek forgiveness and mercy for them from Allah the Exalted, to do such acts/deeds that will cause to reward them, to honour and respect their relatives, friends and families, to extend possibly helping hands to their relatives, friends and family members, to pay their loans and return their trusts their owners and to fulfil their legitimate wills. Sometimes, pay visit to their graves for sending prayers to them.

Note: It is the responsibility of parents to maintain equality amongst the children and fulfil their legitimate needs and rights. It is usually noticed that the unmarried children are much loved by parents, which won’t be hold on. Anyhow, to prefer younger children more than elder ones is quite inappropriate, which basically creates a lot of domestic problems. This is why, the parents should observe equality among all the children (irrespective of married or unmarried). If the children give money for house expenditure to the father (who is the head of the family), then he should carefully and correctly spend it. May Allah, the Exalted, make us the most obedient to our parents and also help our children to fulfil their rights.

Mohammad Najeeb Qasmi (www.najeebqasmi.com)